5 Conversations That Kelly and Karen Never Had
by crackers4jenn
Summary: From The Office. The title says it all.


**1. **

"I know, this is _totally_ rude and whatever, but I just had to ask..."

"...Yeah?"

"What's your favorite color?"

"Seriously?"

"I like pink, I mean--I really, _really_ like pink, but I don't think it's a color that everyone _gets_."

"No. Totally. I... get that."

"So?"

"Oh. Right. I guess I like... I don't know, green?"

"_Green._"

"Wait, is that bad or something?"

"No! Green is a _completely_ awesome color. It's just..."

"What?"

"Isn't that, like, a _boy_ color? Green. Blegh. It makes me think of Kevin or Toby or, oh my God, like Angela or something."

"I guess it's a little boy-ish. I don't know. It's just a color, I haven't really given it too much deep thought, you know?"

"...Okay! Have a good day, Karen!"

"...Okay. Thanks. You too."

**2.**

"If you HAD to choose, who would you pick: Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?"

"I don't know, what am I picking them for?"

"Duh, Brad Pitt!"

"Oh. Of course."

"So, who would you pick!"

"I don't know. I mean, I guess..."

"It's a really hard decision, I know."

"Yeah. Uhm, Angelina Jolie."

"Really? Because I always thought she was really mean and really snobby, but really, really pretty at the same exact time. Sometimes I wish I looked like her."

"I think you're pretty."

"..."

"That came out weird. I just meant--"

"No, totally. Thanks! I think you look pretty, too. You're _totally_ pretty."

"...Thanks."

"I would pick Jennifer Aniston. Just because she's like, really down to earth and still so, so nice, and completely gorgeous--"

"Right."

"--and even though Brad Pitt broke her heart, she's still the strongest person I know. It's really amazing, isn't it?"

"That... Brad Pitt broke her heart?"

"And she can be TOTALLY okay about it! I mean, I saw her on 20/20 last night and I wanted to cry SO bad for her. I don't know what I would do if Ryan ever left me like that. I think I would _DIE_."

"Die? No way, c'mon. Ryan's just a GUY. No guy is worth--"

"Moving all the way across the state for?"

"...I guess."

**3.**

"So, here's a crazy question. Have you ever played Call of Duty?"

"I don't know, what is that?"

"It's a computer game."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh."

"We used to play it all the time back in Stamford. It was like, this big group thing. I don't know, I guess it was kinda socially psychopathic of us, but it was kinda fun."

"We don't do that here."

"Yeah. I know, I... see that. I guess I was just wondering--"

"I have SO much work to do. Michael is SERIOUSLY trying to kill me."

"Oh. So I'll just get back to work, too. I don't want Michael chasing after me next."

"Bye!"

"Right. Bye."

**4. **

"How come you never wear any make-up? Is it because you don't have any?"

"I... do wear make-up."

"Yeah, _lip gloss_. That totally doesn't count, it's like... barely even there."

"I guess I just like to be comfortable."

"But don't you want to look pretty?"

"Here? With Mi... here?"

"But Jim is here, and Jim is your boyfriend, right?"

"...Yeah."

"So why don't you put on any make-up? Guys _LIKE_ when their girlfriends look pretty."

"Wow, so. I'm really not one of them natural beauties, am I? I mean, not if you're here getting all Mary Kay on me--"

"You would look SO awesome with dark-dark-dark mascara, and, oh! Red lipstick. You know who you almost look like? Christina Ricci. You look EXACTLY like Christina Ricci, oh my god, I totally didn't even notice until just now--"

"You know, I think I'm gonna make this call--"

"Ohhhh. You're busy."

"Yeah. Sorry. I'm so swamped."

"Alright, but I'm leaving this lipstick here. _Use it._"

"Okay! Thanks... I think."

**5.  
**  
"It's probably the saddest thing I've seen since I started working here."

"...Yeah, about that. How many times a month, exactly, _does_ Michael have funerals for _squirrels_?"

"I don't know, last time we had one for a bird. It was SO depressing, I seriously cried for like thirty minutes straight."

"So Michael's basically an equal opportunity funeral-giver. Gotcha."

"Yeah, but I think the saddest thing that I've EVER seen at work was when Jim got transferred."

"Oh. Yeah. I guess that would suck."

"He's like my BEST friend here, besides Ryan and Pam and Toby."

"Wow, so it probably REALLY sucked for you, then."

"Well, not really for me... I think Pam took it the hardest."

"Yeah. They, uh, they seem like they're really good friends."

"Yeah, but they were so much more than that. Seriously, it was like every romantic book that I've ever watched in the movies and TV right in front of me. It was SO cute, because Jim, like, he was SO in love with Pam, but she was _ENGAGED_ to Roy."

"Wait. What? Jim... was in _love_ with Pam?"

"Yes! _So much_! It was, like, the sweetest thing I've ever seen that didn't happen to me personally."

"Really."

"Then, of course, Pam _ended_ the engagment with Roy, which I didn't see coming AT ALL. I don't think anyone did, because Roy and Pam are so perfect for each other. Not perfect the way Pam and Jim are, obviously, but they're, I don't know, second-perfect, or whatever."

"I can't believe Jim... I mean, I _CAN_, because, hello, clarity is filtering through more than a little rapidly right now... but..."

"He never told you?"

"That he was in love with one of his old coworkers? Who he also happens to see now on a very daily basis? Yeah, no, that conversation never popped up."

"Oh."

"Are you sure? I mean, you're absolutely _sure_ that he didn't just, I don't know, think she was kinda cute, in that curly-haired / 'girl next door' kinda way?"

"I don't know. Maybe?"

"I can't believe Jim was in love with Pam."

"I should probably go now. I'm supposed to meet Ryan for lunch. He gets mad if I make him wait too long."

"Right. Okay."

"Karen? If it means anything, Jim _REALLY_ likes you. Seriously, I haven't seen him this happy in a really long time."

"I guess that's something."

"Plus it's not like Pam would ever actualy make a move. She's SO shy, it took me, like, WEEKS just to get her to wear this super cute shirt that showed off her neckline because, okay, how many cardigans can one girl own? I don't know, I think she shops at I need to... I'm gonna go get some fresh air."

"Oh. Okay."

"Have fun on your date with Ryan."

"Thanks!"

"Yeah. Bye..."


End file.
